So I called the advice nurse yesterday and got passed around a bit. The first lady I spoke to told me there's no way the bleeding I've been having is a period. That a period, even if only 9 days after the end of the miscarriage, would be much heavier at least one day out of the 9 I've been spotting. That it may just be regular spotting, which is normal, may not mean anything, particularly because it's not heavy. They didn't tell me what it could be (probably because there could be so many different answers...) so they scheduled an appointment for me to have my blood drawn Monday to test the HCG levels, to see if they've fallen below 5 like they should have. My sister says if they are a bit higher they will test again in a few days to see if they are rising or falling, even slightly. My worry is that I'm pregnant again so they will see the levels rise. I don't want them to assume it's from the miscarriage and have a D&C when really it's a new pregnancy. Like I said, we tried like mad this month to conceive again.
Every single Thursday haunts me. I should be another week along - at this point I should be 10 weeks pregnant, but I'm not. I've felt the pregnancy, I've felt the symptoms, and now I have nothing to show for it. I feel soo empty inside. I honestly never thought I could feel this way.
I really don't think this is from the miscarriage at all. I have heard that if the miscarriage doesn't complete, your body will still think it's pregnant, so you will still feel pregnant, since a small amount of tissue will be drawing blood from the uterus, it will be producing the HCG hormone, and you'll feel pregnant. I've taken several pregnancy tests, all have come back negative since right after the miscarriage (I got one with a very faint line, then the following all came up neg) Only this last week have I started having pregnancy symptoms again.
They may even just be regular cycle symptoms. The one thing that stands out is my breast tenderness. After I got pregnant last time, I could feel them engorge themselves. I could feel them almost fill up with whatever they fill up with. I felt them get bigger. I could literally feel everything. Then they were SORE. They have never hurt so bad in my life! Immediately following the miscarriage I could feel them shrink back down. I could feel them recede. I could feel whatever it was leaving them. It felt like they were being deflated back into my body again. I felt the twinges from them shrinking.
Well now, I feel them twinging again. This time they're getting bigger, like when I was pregnant. They are sore, but not as sore as the first time. All but the last 3 years have they gotten sore for my period, but it was tolerable and I never felt any twinges. This is different. The pain is different, not just a soreness. I've only had this with being pregnant.
So maybe I am pregnant again? I can't take a test to know for sure until at least December 1st, which will be approximately 4 days before my supposed first period should arrive (32 days after the miscarriage - I know the miscarriage shouldn't act like a milestone for a previous period, but I have nothing else to go on) December 1st is also 2 weeks after the last day we tried to conceive, so there should be enough HCG for a home pregnancy test. Otherwise, if it's negative, I'll take another test in a week if there's still no period.
I don't think the blood test on Monday will show anything for the miscarriage. This spotting does not feel that way, it just feels like spotting. Like the nurse said, is normal. There's no cramps, and it's completely minuscule. I've read if the miscarriage is not complete, your body will try even harder to get rid of it, so it will hurt more than the initial miscarriage. I have no cramping at all, aside from the one day I had slight cramps. And there's not enough blood. Your body will bleed and bleed and bleed. I'm not.
So we'll see. Just have to wait again. I hate waiting SO bad!!!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Still no clue...
So there hasn't been much to update lately. No changes really since my last post. My last post I had started bleeding on the 18th and wasn't sure why or what it was from. My doctor told me it may be my period and to call the advice nurse if it lasted longer than 6 days, which now it's been 8 days. So I just called.
The advice nurse said even a period that starts 9 days after the end of a miscarriage would be heavier than what I'm experiencing. That it's not a period and should be looked into. She didn't say what it might be (probably because it could be just about anything at this point) So she's having my dr's office call me either today or Monday to set up an appointment. She said, regardless, I should have a follow up to make sure everything went ok with the miscarriage since it was my first pregnancy. I just really hate physicals. I did not like the sonogram. I don't like feeling so exposed. I've never had bloodwork done, I know they'll try that. Just all over scary to me.
So I don't know. I'll update again if something changes. Good news or not.
The advice nurse said even a period that starts 9 days after the end of a miscarriage would be heavier than what I'm experiencing. That it's not a period and should be looked into. She didn't say what it might be (probably because it could be just about anything at this point) So she's having my dr's office call me either today or Monday to set up an appointment. She said, regardless, I should have a follow up to make sure everything went ok with the miscarriage since it was my first pregnancy. I just really hate physicals. I did not like the sonogram. I don't like feeling so exposed. I've never had bloodwork done, I know they'll try that. Just all over scary to me.
So I don't know. I'll update again if something changes. Good news or not.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Pregnancy Loss
My husband and I tried to conceive for nearly 2 years. Well, "trying" for us was trying the day my cell phone calendar said I should be ovulating. Just the one day each month. We'd try random other days, but it never worked. In September 2010 we decided to try sooner in my cycle as well as the day my phone said to, and it worked. We found out on our trip to Maui that we were pregnant. I had all of the symptoms to go with it, too. Like clockwork, every day around 2pm I would get unbelievably exhausted. I felt like someone hit me with a ton of bricks. I'd fall asleep no matter where I was.
I also had severe breast tenderness like I've never had before. I couldn't sleep on my stomach and laying on my back or side just added awkward pressure on them. I was always uncomfortable. I had lost quite a bit of weight before our trip so none of my bras fit when we left, but by the time our trip was over all of my bras fit again.
I had minor cramping, which at the beginning made me think my period was going to start any time. They were sort of twinges, not very painful, just irritating. The cramps would come on for about 5 minutes then go away for a couple of hours every day like clockwork. I also had some rather vivid dreams - most about work, others about chocolate chip cookies.
Oh and the cravings! I don't even like shrimp, but I wanted shrimp SO bad! Another symptom was the moodiness. I would cry over everything and anything. Everything made me upset. Everything made me angry. I was also bleeding the entire time, too. Just spotting, and the color was different than that of my period, more brown and very very light.
These symptoms were very obvious to me. I always clock my cycles, I keep track of every monthly cycle and everything I feel. I was definitely pregnant. I even felt "bloated" as my uterus was growing. It was awkward already to sleep on my stomach, and we would have only been about 6 weeks at that time.
A few days before we left to come home I had noticed my symptoms lesson. The cramping almost stopped, the spotting was still there, the fatigue was gone, the moodiness was less, and my breasts still hurt like mad. I just assumed I was getting used to the symptoms.
We got home on the 28th of October and on the 1st of November I started getting period like cramps. Really bad cramping. I hadn't had any that strong since my previous period in September. The bleeding also changed from brown to red, which I had read was something to look into with a doctor. So I immediately emailed my doctor. Told her about the harsh cramps and the bleeding and she had someone call me immediately to set an appointment for later that day. Her concern was an ectopic pregnancy. At this point I should have been 8 weeks along, so ectopic pregnancy symptoms would start showing at this point.
She did a physical examination first and noted I was indeed bleeding. Then she did a vaginal ultrasound to see if it was ectopic, which showed it was not. So she focused her attention on the baby. She showed us the screen and said that we were either not as far along as we thought, more like 5 or 6 weeks, or that the baby had stopped developing several weeks prior and I was about to miscarry. I knew we weren't 5 or 6 weeks along, that would mean it took 3 weeks for my egg to be fertilized, impossible.
At that point I had already prepared myself for the news. I wasn't shocked, I wasn't even upset. I just told myself, "Well, we can try again."
That was, until I got home.
I went to the bathroom because the physical exam left lots of gel in awkward places and right then and there I miscarried. I could literally feel my uterus push and everything come out. I felt my uterus shrink, I felt suddenly empty. The absolute worst part was seeing everything. I personally did not look for the sac like other women I've read about online. But knowing that somewhere in that mess was our baby was the hardest part. Having to flush our baby down the toilet made me crack.
I cried for 3 days after that. I couldn't function, I couldn't focus. I couldn't eat or sleep. I could feel my body reverting back to it's pre-pregnant self and with every twinge I would cry. I felt my breasts shrink, I felt my uterus contract back to it's normal size, I felt so completely empty.
I had one day of really bad cramping, two days after the initial miscarriage, when the rest of the tissue passed. But then everything came to a stop after that. The heavy bleeding lightened and stopped, the cramps went away, my breasts felt normal again, and I could feel the hormones disappear as I stopped weeping so much and the irritability went away.
I read somewhere that it's possible to conceive within the first month following a miscarriage, so I emailed my doctor to ask her opinion. She said the benefits of waiting were low and the risks of trying now were also low, so to go ahead. And "go ahead" we did. It was hard to try making another baby, I was NOT in the mood, I kept feeling like, "If we hadn't lost the first we wouldn't be here forcing it again." I started to feel the guilt, even though I know the miscarriage wasn't my fault. I even broke down and cried one night when we were trying. I felt like we could NOT miss the one day I may ovulate so we had to try EVERY day, no matter what mood I was in.
The miscarriage took place on the 2nd of November, ended by the 9th. We started trying on the 12th, 13th, 15th, 16th and 17th. We skipped the 14th but started trying on the 15th AM, so there was only 36 hours in between.
On the 18th AM I started to bleed again. I had read you must go 20 days without any bleeding for the miscarriage to be over and the next bleeding to be considered a period. This bleeding seems different, though. Just spotting. Very very light spotting. I emailed my dr and she said this may be my next period coming on, even though it's only been a week and a half since the end of the miscarriage, that we'll have to wait and see.
The bleeding seems only to take place in the morning, and it's really just a few drops. The 18th and 19th were like this. The 20th it was the same but accompanied by mild cramping. Today, the 21st, it seems less. The cramps right now seem to have diminished. I don't know what it was. It's not the miscarriage still, there's not enough blood or cramping. It's not my period, again not enough blood or cramping.
So we'll have to wait and see, like the doctor said. I want to keep track of it here so I can help figure out what is going on, or look back and say, "oh that's what that was"
So, until later or tomorrow!
I also had severe breast tenderness like I've never had before. I couldn't sleep on my stomach and laying on my back or side just added awkward pressure on them. I was always uncomfortable. I had lost quite a bit of weight before our trip so none of my bras fit when we left, but by the time our trip was over all of my bras fit again.
I had minor cramping, which at the beginning made me think my period was going to start any time. They were sort of twinges, not very painful, just irritating. The cramps would come on for about 5 minutes then go away for a couple of hours every day like clockwork. I also had some rather vivid dreams - most about work, others about chocolate chip cookies.
Oh and the cravings! I don't even like shrimp, but I wanted shrimp SO bad! Another symptom was the moodiness. I would cry over everything and anything. Everything made me upset. Everything made me angry. I was also bleeding the entire time, too. Just spotting, and the color was different than that of my period, more brown and very very light.
These symptoms were very obvious to me. I always clock my cycles, I keep track of every monthly cycle and everything I feel. I was definitely pregnant. I even felt "bloated" as my uterus was growing. It was awkward already to sleep on my stomach, and we would have only been about 6 weeks at that time.
A few days before we left to come home I had noticed my symptoms lesson. The cramping almost stopped, the spotting was still there, the fatigue was gone, the moodiness was less, and my breasts still hurt like mad. I just assumed I was getting used to the symptoms.
We got home on the 28th of October and on the 1st of November I started getting period like cramps. Really bad cramping. I hadn't had any that strong since my previous period in September. The bleeding also changed from brown to red, which I had read was something to look into with a doctor. So I immediately emailed my doctor. Told her about the harsh cramps and the bleeding and she had someone call me immediately to set an appointment for later that day. Her concern was an ectopic pregnancy. At this point I should have been 8 weeks along, so ectopic pregnancy symptoms would start showing at this point.
She did a physical examination first and noted I was indeed bleeding. Then she did a vaginal ultrasound to see if it was ectopic, which showed it was not. So she focused her attention on the baby. She showed us the screen and said that we were either not as far along as we thought, more like 5 or 6 weeks, or that the baby had stopped developing several weeks prior and I was about to miscarry. I knew we weren't 5 or 6 weeks along, that would mean it took 3 weeks for my egg to be fertilized, impossible.
At that point I had already prepared myself for the news. I wasn't shocked, I wasn't even upset. I just told myself, "Well, we can try again."
That was, until I got home.
I went to the bathroom because the physical exam left lots of gel in awkward places and right then and there I miscarried. I could literally feel my uterus push and everything come out. I felt my uterus shrink, I felt suddenly empty. The absolute worst part was seeing everything. I personally did not look for the sac like other women I've read about online. But knowing that somewhere in that mess was our baby was the hardest part. Having to flush our baby down the toilet made me crack.
I cried for 3 days after that. I couldn't function, I couldn't focus. I couldn't eat or sleep. I could feel my body reverting back to it's pre-pregnant self and with every twinge I would cry. I felt my breasts shrink, I felt my uterus contract back to it's normal size, I felt so completely empty.
I had one day of really bad cramping, two days after the initial miscarriage, when the rest of the tissue passed. But then everything came to a stop after that. The heavy bleeding lightened and stopped, the cramps went away, my breasts felt normal again, and I could feel the hormones disappear as I stopped weeping so much and the irritability went away.
I read somewhere that it's possible to conceive within the first month following a miscarriage, so I emailed my doctor to ask her opinion. She said the benefits of waiting were low and the risks of trying now were also low, so to go ahead. And "go ahead" we did. It was hard to try making another baby, I was NOT in the mood, I kept feeling like, "If we hadn't lost the first we wouldn't be here forcing it again." I started to feel the guilt, even though I know the miscarriage wasn't my fault. I even broke down and cried one night when we were trying. I felt like we could NOT miss the one day I may ovulate so we had to try EVERY day, no matter what mood I was in.
The miscarriage took place on the 2nd of November, ended by the 9th. We started trying on the 12th, 13th, 15th, 16th and 17th. We skipped the 14th but started trying on the 15th AM, so there was only 36 hours in between.
On the 18th AM I started to bleed again. I had read you must go 20 days without any bleeding for the miscarriage to be over and the next bleeding to be considered a period. This bleeding seems different, though. Just spotting. Very very light spotting. I emailed my dr and she said this may be my next period coming on, even though it's only been a week and a half since the end of the miscarriage, that we'll have to wait and see.
The bleeding seems only to take place in the morning, and it's really just a few drops. The 18th and 19th were like this. The 20th it was the same but accompanied by mild cramping. Today, the 21st, it seems less. The cramps right now seem to have diminished. I don't know what it was. It's not the miscarriage still, there's not enough blood or cramping. It's not my period, again not enough blood or cramping.
So we'll have to wait and see, like the doctor said. I want to keep track of it here so I can help figure out what is going on, or look back and say, "oh that's what that was"
So, until later or tomorrow!
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